Nigerian scammers are creative people. From imaginary hitmen to American majors with suitcases full of Saddam's gold, to enough deceased relatives to fill a cemetery, to entire armies of princes, politicians and dictators, there seems no end to their inventiveness. But now, it seems they have turned their talents to writing actual science fiction.
Reproduced below is the full text of one imaginative scammer's latest message. Because after all, when the Large Hadron Collider destroys the Earth, who better than a Nigerian scammer to see you safe and sound?
From: "Ref: CERN"<drfrank_miller@...>
Subject: Ref: CERN
Date: Sun, 19 Dec 2010 01:21:12 +0530
Dear Friend,
How are you? I hope all is well with your family, friends and pets. I hope this urgent mail meets you in a perfect condition. We have no time to waste regarding the information I am about to tell you, it is an urgent and serious matter.
My name is DR.FRANK MILLER, senior data analyst here at the CERN institute based here in Geneva. The European Organization for Nuclear Research is one of the world's largest and most respected centers for scientific research. Its business is fundamental physics, finding out what the Universe is made of and how it works. You may have seen on the news that in recent days our Large Hadron Collider machine has been colliding high-speed beams of energy in order to explore new physics and understand how the universe began.
CERN have been adamant that this is safe, however I KNOW THE TRUTH. The truth is that this experiment that CERN are conducting is extremely dangerous and could cause global disaster. This experiment has a 95\25 of causing a black hole thus swallowing a large area of the planet. The scientists do not want you to know this as they know it will cause panic. However I can help you.
I am arranging for a number of selected people to be evacuated to a safe location on an island in the South Pacific via aeroplane. You have been selected from random to take part in this evacuation, thus continuing the survival of the human race. Please, if you are interested, email me back immediately with the following information:
Full name:
Age:
Contact number:
Country:
Email address:
Please send all emails to my private box: drfrank_miller2@...
Regards, and God bless.
DR.FRANK MILLER.
I'm sure that evacuating me (and my family, friends and pets) to this remote Pacific island (which will somehow be mysteriously spared by the planet-eating black hole) will be expensive, but that's OK. I have a suitcase of Saddam's gold and 30% of the wealth of the late Sani Abacha coming to me any day now. If I can just evade The Assassin, I should be fine.